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I was out for a stroll, just a-walking the pup,
Checking the scene, seeing what was up.
I wasn't bothering nobody, I was easing on down the road.
Just behind me come a piddy piddy pat.
I said "Good Lord, tell me what was that?"
I turned and looked and my brain took an overload.
Down the trail and around the farm,
Come a thousand people with their underwear on.
Picking 'em up, laying 'em down like mad.
Puffing and groaning, their faces all red.
Eyes rolled back in their sweatin' heads.
I never saw so many people look so bad.
Crying "Come on, Harry! Come on, Sue!
We're gonna do what the magazines tell us to.
Get ourselves in shape the fashionable way.
Twenty-five laps around the pond,
Will make us tall and slim and blonde.
Oh, hand me down my jogging shoes today"
The sound was strictly rolling thunder.
My dog took off with his tail tucked under.
I stood at the side of the road and watched 'em pass.
Their shirts were nicely understated.
They all looked terribly dedicated.
Some looked strong and some looked low on gas.
Some were built like land-locked whales.
Some wore shorts from Bloomingdales.
Some had legs that looked like six feet long.
They'd clearly come to do or die,
And as that herd went thundering by,
So help me folks, they all broke into song
They said, "Come on, Harry! Come on, Sue!
We're gonna do what the magazines tell us to.
Get ourselves in shape the fashionable way.
Twenty-five laps around the pond,
Will make us tall and slim and blonde.
Oh, hand me down my jogging shoes today"
I knew that they'd get fit or bust.
I knew by the size of the cloud of dust.
I knew by the sound of the blisters going "crack".
I thought I'd head back to the farm,
When suddenly someone snagged my arm,
And there I was in the middle of the seething pack!
I was sweating like a fool; I was out of breath.
I was trying to keep from getting tromped to death.
I must have been an edifying sight to see.
I cried, "You folks can jeer and scoff,
But my legs are broken; they're falling off",
And by now you know what they turned and said to me
They said, "Come on, Harry! Come on, Sue!
We're gonna do what the magazines tell us to.
Get ourselves in shape the fashionable way.
Twenty-five laps around the pond,
Will make us tall and slim and blonde.
Oh, hand me down my jogging shoes today"
Twenty-five laps around the pond,
Will make us tall and slim and blonde.
Oh, hand me down my jogging shoes today!
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Thanks again to Jason (with some help from Jim) for transcribing the lyrics. |